Last week was really a tough one for both of us little one as we both know when I am upset or anxious it affects you. It boiled down to a terrible misunderstanding from the point of view of the director of my doula school. She ended up deciding to suspend me from my doula school and then I decided to withdraw from my program as it was not worth the stress even if I was only six weeks away from completing my program.
I have been talking to you little one saying that Momma is o.k. and that we are learning together how to handle conflict with grace instead of anger. I really don't feel angry. I am just disappointed that after nearly an entire year of knowing me, she would jump to such a radical way of handling an issue that could have been solved by a face to face discussion. As hard as this has been, I am so happy that she specified in her letter that all correspondence needs to be in writing as it would cause me additional stress if I had to speak to her more about this situation.
I have contacted another doula training program, which is an on-line course. Everyone I talk to is very supportive and it has been nice to hear so much encouragement.
On a very, very happy note, Betty, our midwife, came over on Friday night and we were able to hearing the whoosh through your cord and the placenta and then finally a few beats of your heart beat. I don't think you like the radio waves of the dopler very much and so it is a good idea that we did not plan on having an ultrasound (unless it is medically necessary, of course.) Your Dad took a video of me listening to your heartbeat. It was so special. Your Dad and I are so excited to be pregnant and to watch my belly grow as you get bigger and stronger.
We love you very much little one.
Momma
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