T.V.

In my life, I have always found that things land in your lap for a reason and for some reason, I keep getting approached by various television program producers to document in some way our homebirth experience. Last Friday, I opened an email from Julie Clarke, an educator whose course we took to prepare us for birth and parenting, and she put me on to a producer who was doing a TV documentary about different kinds of births. I rang her up to say that I would be happy to interview and offer any pictures that Neil took during our birth experience so that women could get a glimpse of birth as a natural biological event instead of a T.V. drama, but they actually wanted to come with a camera crew of two and film various points of the pre-labor and then film the "pushing phase" of the birth. I was initially torn as I really want women to know birth as something that can be empowering and inspiring, but then I realized deep down in my gut that there was no way that I was comfortable with the idea of having people come into our space during such a special moment and also, women are like cats when we birth, any disruption, added observers or a lack of privacy, can interfere with the birth process and so, I and your Dad decided against the idea. I don't need to put us in the limelight in that way. Someone else can give women that glimpse into birth.

Then, this morning, I got a call from a woman who works for National Geographic and they are interested in interviewing a couple who is having a homebirth. Basically, it is for a filler documentary, a 3 minute piece that would be featured at a break in the main segment. It seems that they would like a video clip of the birth and so she asked me if we were going to video. I said that our friend Neil was going to photograph and that I did have a video that we hoped to use to capture the birth, but I was not fixed on the video as necessary, but rather as something that I wanted to use if at all possible to view my experience afterwards and to show you when you get older. For some reason, the thought of this segment does not bother me as it would not disturb our birth process and really at the end of the day, I could refuse to share the video with them and change my mind. It does not seem to be as high profile or put any pressure on us as having a film crew in the room where we are birthing...laugh. Can you image? And can you image that I was actually considering the idea...just based on my passion of wanting women to see the beauty birth can have for a family as a natural life event and not a medical emergency.

I will talk to you Dad and Betty about the idea tonight. I also need to chat with Kate, the lady who got in touch with me, and just make sure that in addition to my interview that they were planning on interviewing a doctor that considers homebirth a safe and real possibility for women who are healthy. Otherwise, what is the point of me sharing our story if they are just going to contradict the beauty of birth with a doctor who sees homebirth as "dangerous." So I am willing to see how this plays out. I find it strange that in a two week period two separate T.V. programs have gotten in touch with me from two separate sources to inquire about my interest in sharing our birth story. Is this an accident? I never believe in accidents, but I find it really curious that this has come our way twice in the same week.

Update: Kate, the lady with National Geographic, called back to say that they decided to go with a lady who gave birth to twins at home. I immediately knew that it must be Justine, a women who our midwife supported in the birth of her twins. I asked and indeed it was and I am so pleased as she has had all six of her children at home, is organizing the homebirth conference in Sydney and has headed up the political party, "What Women Want." It is great exposure for her. When I did mention to David that we nearly had an offer from National Geographic and told him the story, he surprised me by such a positive response. He definitely would have wanted to participate in the project. I think the fact that it was National Geographic really WOWED him a bit...smile. Anyway, little sprout, you were almost a T.V. star at birth...laugh. Nice story to tell anyway.

Waiting for you

Well, Little One. We had our appointment with our lovely midwife Betty last night. Believe it or not, your little head...well, I guess you know...is further down in my pelvis. When I asked her the last time if it could go any further down...she had said..yeah, when the baby comes out! Well, you are further down and all she can feel now is the back of your neck. I am so pleased as you are in a wonderful position for birth. Your little head is tucked against your chest and your back is on the left nearly in the center. All that is left is for you to be born.

I wonder what day you will chose to come and meet us? I have a feeling that it will be sometime early next week. I have these little chats with you telling you that we are now ready and you are welcome at any time. I also explain to you how much we would like you to come around your due date so that the three of us: Daddy, you and me can have time together as a little family unit before Grammy Jean arrives on September 28. Your Daddy is going to take a month off from work and I would really like three weeks just with your Dad and you if at all possible, but saying that, I always tell you that if you have another date in mind that is later, then we respect that as birthdays are special days and you need to decide when it is best for you to come.

I wonder what time the birthing will start...how it will start...when will the water's break...how long will the birth be...will you be born in water...on land...in our bedroom? What time will you be born...what will you look like...will you have dark hair like your Dad or fair hair like me? Are you a boy or a girl?

I was getting hung up on the idea that you were a girl. I think the Chinese doctor made me think that you were a girl as each time I went I kept hearing...it is a girl pulse. Then, I was speaking to a couple who was also told by a Chinese doctor that they were having a "boy" and guess what?!, they had a girl...so I realized in that moment...I did not know...and then I realized that it did not matter to me that I would be so surprised and happy with either a son or a daughter. So we have two sets of clothes laid out on the table. One for a boy and one for a girl. And now after wondering through all the pregnancy if you are boy or a girl, I think that it is really fun not to know for sure. If I had to guess based on my gut instinct, I would guess you are a girl, but like I said, I am not fixated on the idea. Your Pop Pop Stud has not doubt in his mind that you are a girl whereas your Uncle Mike is convinced that you are a boy...no doubt in his mind. I would have so much fun calling up your Uncle Mike and telling him that he had a niece as he is almost a bit over confident in his assumption and refuses to think otherwise...laugh.

So how am I passing my days. Well, I finally finished my doula course yesterday. Thank goodness. And I basically take about two naps a day as I am really tired and I don't sleep soundly at night due to runs to the toilet and achy hips that require me to roll over at least once an hour. I really don't care...it is part of being pregnant. I have been really, really fortunate and only had discomfort when I was 36 weeks 6 days pregnant and ended up with a five day flu that made me tired, achy and feverish. I was miserable and at the same time my sacrum went out of alignment causing pain to radiate up the right side of my back...after three chiropractic treatments, I feel good as new. I learned a lot that week. I learned that I need to ask for help, that I can't do what I used to do, and that I needed to surrender to the "I don't know..." as life is not certain.

So your Nanna Carmen and Poppy Bill came down from the Central Coast to help us out one weekend and your dad and grandparents did EVERYTHING on a two page typed list. They were amazing and because of the three of them, the house is ready.

Your Dad is a star. You are going to love him with all your heart. He is the most patient person on the planet. He looks after us so well and when I don't feel 100% or I am low on energy, your dad kicks into gear and gets things done. He can't wait to meet you and is really looking forward to your birth.

Here we are in this little bubble of ours and all around the world there are friends and family waiting for your arrival. It is amazing as people are all thinking of us and can't wait to receive news that you are here with us out of Momma's tummy and in our arms.

I have said before that one of my weaknesses is that I don't like change and so you can image that at times I have not wanted to change from being a pregnant mother to being a mother with you in my arms...as for me that is an unknown, but last week, I made an internal leap from holding on to the certainty of pregnancy to wanting to hold you and have our little family unit together with your Dad here at home with us. I really want you with me here on the outside. I want to hold you...to look at you...to help you learn how to adjust to life on this earth...to love you and nurture you...I want to feel that overwhelming love that a mother feels for her child...and I know we will be together soon...as you can't stay in there forever...smile.

When I was laying in bed yesterday talking to you about your birth-day. I explained to you that your dad and I have done everything possible to ensure that you have a beautiful and peaceful transition into life outside of the womb. It is a big change and not many children have parents that are aware of how to help a child feel secure in those first moments with a familiar environment like home, a quiet, dark room with candles burning and the chance to be born in water or on land. We have given you this opportunity to choose to come in this peaceful way and I do feel that you want that and you chose us because we are aware in that way and that is our first gift to you...the love we have for you is so great that we made sure we were healthy when we conceived you and I ate well and nourished you while you have been inside me. We have loved you and spoken to you throughout the pregnancy and played a special piece of music each time we go to sleep at night. And now our first gift to you as you enter this world is the gift of a peaceful birth and we hope that you feel worthy of that and decide to choose to come in that peaceful way as your Dad and I did not have that chance and each generation needs to make things better for the next.

We love you our little special one. You are precious to us. You are a gift that we will always treasure and we will do our very best to guide you in this life and grow with you as the three of us start this journey together.

Kuroko in Kabuki

Here I am 39 weeks 4 days pregnant reading through the last module of my on-line doula course. I seem to always live in the 11th hour...smile, but really it is a good time to read through this material as it is reminding me of what I know and how to can be a better partner, mother, friend, birth supporter, teacher...There was this lovely section describing how midwives, doulas and really essentially any teacher, parent, partner or support person can help a person grow by taking a step back and trusting that we are like the shadows on the stage of the theater of life and, in my case, at this very moment...this baby...this little being inside me is the main focus...the main actor in this next phase of our life...the upcoming birth...and I need to trust this little one's wisdom to be born as I am the stage from which it will come...which will support its arrival, but can not take over the role this little one needs to perform in order to be born....I can only be a gentle and loving guide to assist the process, but not control it or take over it....it is not me...it is not mine...it bigger than both of us and it is not my birth....it is yours my sweet child and I am here to fly with you on your journey into this world.