Waiting for you

Well, Little One. We had our appointment with our lovely midwife Betty last night. Believe it or not, your little head...well, I guess you know...is further down in my pelvis. When I asked her the last time if it could go any further down...she had said..yeah, when the baby comes out! Well, you are further down and all she can feel now is the back of your neck. I am so pleased as you are in a wonderful position for birth. Your little head is tucked against your chest and your back is on the left nearly in the center. All that is left is for you to be born.

I wonder what day you will chose to come and meet us? I have a feeling that it will be sometime early next week. I have these little chats with you telling you that we are now ready and you are welcome at any time. I also explain to you how much we would like you to come around your due date so that the three of us: Daddy, you and me can have time together as a little family unit before Grammy Jean arrives on September 28. Your Daddy is going to take a month off from work and I would really like three weeks just with your Dad and you if at all possible, but saying that, I always tell you that if you have another date in mind that is later, then we respect that as birthdays are special days and you need to decide when it is best for you to come.

I wonder what time the birthing will start...how it will start...when will the water's break...how long will the birth be...will you be born in water...on land...in our bedroom? What time will you be born...what will you look like...will you have dark hair like your Dad or fair hair like me? Are you a boy or a girl?

I was getting hung up on the idea that you were a girl. I think the Chinese doctor made me think that you were a girl as each time I went I kept hearing...it is a girl pulse. Then, I was speaking to a couple who was also told by a Chinese doctor that they were having a "boy" and guess what?!, they had a girl...so I realized in that moment...I did not know...and then I realized that it did not matter to me that I would be so surprised and happy with either a son or a daughter. So we have two sets of clothes laid out on the table. One for a boy and one for a girl. And now after wondering through all the pregnancy if you are boy or a girl, I think that it is really fun not to know for sure. If I had to guess based on my gut instinct, I would guess you are a girl, but like I said, I am not fixated on the idea. Your Pop Pop Stud has not doubt in his mind that you are a girl whereas your Uncle Mike is convinced that you are a boy...no doubt in his mind. I would have so much fun calling up your Uncle Mike and telling him that he had a niece as he is almost a bit over confident in his assumption and refuses to think otherwise...laugh.

So how am I passing my days. Well, I finally finished my doula course yesterday. Thank goodness. And I basically take about two naps a day as I am really tired and I don't sleep soundly at night due to runs to the toilet and achy hips that require me to roll over at least once an hour. I really don't care...it is part of being pregnant. I have been really, really fortunate and only had discomfort when I was 36 weeks 6 days pregnant and ended up with a five day flu that made me tired, achy and feverish. I was miserable and at the same time my sacrum went out of alignment causing pain to radiate up the right side of my back...after three chiropractic treatments, I feel good as new. I learned a lot that week. I learned that I need to ask for help, that I can't do what I used to do, and that I needed to surrender to the "I don't know..." as life is not certain.

So your Nanna Carmen and Poppy Bill came down from the Central Coast to help us out one weekend and your dad and grandparents did EVERYTHING on a two page typed list. They were amazing and because of the three of them, the house is ready.

Your Dad is a star. You are going to love him with all your heart. He is the most patient person on the planet. He looks after us so well and when I don't feel 100% or I am low on energy, your dad kicks into gear and gets things done. He can't wait to meet you and is really looking forward to your birth.

Here we are in this little bubble of ours and all around the world there are friends and family waiting for your arrival. It is amazing as people are all thinking of us and can't wait to receive news that you are here with us out of Momma's tummy and in our arms.

I have said before that one of my weaknesses is that I don't like change and so you can image that at times I have not wanted to change from being a pregnant mother to being a mother with you in my arms...as for me that is an unknown, but last week, I made an internal leap from holding on to the certainty of pregnancy to wanting to hold you and have our little family unit together with your Dad here at home with us. I really want you with me here on the outside. I want to hold you...to look at you...to help you learn how to adjust to life on this earth...to love you and nurture you...I want to feel that overwhelming love that a mother feels for her child...and I know we will be together soon...as you can't stay in there forever...smile.

When I was laying in bed yesterday talking to you about your birth-day. I explained to you that your dad and I have done everything possible to ensure that you have a beautiful and peaceful transition into life outside of the womb. It is a big change and not many children have parents that are aware of how to help a child feel secure in those first moments with a familiar environment like home, a quiet, dark room with candles burning and the chance to be born in water or on land. We have given you this opportunity to choose to come in this peaceful way and I do feel that you want that and you chose us because we are aware in that way and that is our first gift to you...the love we have for you is so great that we made sure we were healthy when we conceived you and I ate well and nourished you while you have been inside me. We have loved you and spoken to you throughout the pregnancy and played a special piece of music each time we go to sleep at night. And now our first gift to you as you enter this world is the gift of a peaceful birth and we hope that you feel worthy of that and decide to choose to come in that peaceful way as your Dad and I did not have that chance and each generation needs to make things better for the next.

We love you our little special one. You are precious to us. You are a gift that we will always treasure and we will do our very best to guide you in this life and grow with you as the three of us start this journey together.