8 Weeks Old

On Friday, I will be eight weeks pregnant with You, Little One. How exciting! We will call Betty and make our first appointment with her. I feel so lucky to have the choice to birth at home and choose such a lovely midwife who can attend us. There is this beautiful poem by Suzanne Arms:

A Hand Full of Hope

If we hope to create
a non-violent world
where respect and kindness
replace fear and hatred

We must begin
with how we treat each other
at the beginning of life.

For that is where
our deepest patterns are set.

From these roots
grow fear and alienation
~or love and trust.

I truly believe that you are so wise and are such a sensitive little person that you deserve, as do I, a gentle entry into this world. You know when I went with my friend Cassandra to the Calmbirth seminar last year, I physically was shaking through the whole first day. I didn't know where it was coming from, but somewhere deep inside me, I needed to heal my own birth experience. Your Grammy Jean now realizes how she missed out on my birthday by deciding to be put to sleep instead of birthing me, but I know now that she felt the fear that many women in the West have come to experience about birth. Thankfully, the Calmbirth seminar as well as the classes that I have been teaching mothers, has allowed my own inner self to heal and now I feel a sense of confidence and trust in my body. I really look forward to birthing you Little One.

As I was eating my lunch today, I was thinking how lucky we are to live in a first world country where Dad and I can afford to buy such lovely food for us to eat so that you can grow healthy and strong within me. I still have to eat every two hours or I start to feel this flip flop feeling in my stomach, but after eating, it subsides and I feel like myself again. I just feel tired at times and I take a nap with you on a daily basis. It is nice to rest as both of us our working so hard to make sure that you grow big and strong.

Dad and I have made a deposit on a permaculture course which we plan to attend for two weeks beginning on February 11. We are going to drive up to Norther NSW to a place called The Channon where we will study with Geoff Lawton. Your Dad and I have realized that we have not been on a vacation together, just the two of us, in nearly two and a half years! We have tended to spend our vacations with my family or with Dad's family, but we need some time together before you arrive as we know that being a family is different to just being a couple. We really look forward to being a family.

It is sweet as every morning, your Dad will lay on my stomach and kiss my belly where you are and tell you how much he loves you and he encourages you to grow big and strong. You have such a wonderful, wonderful man for a Dad. I get teary eyed just thinking about him. Yesterday, I was speaking to you about how kind he is and I nearly started to cry....smile.

Well, I need to go and make dinner. Keep on growing big and strong. Love you!

I had recently written a letter to a friend and I decided to make it one of my posts as it describes how we helped make you, our little one. Tomorrow we will be seven weeks pregnant.

You know after reflecting as to how we got pregnant, I can honestly say that it happened when my perspective changed and I decided to take time every fews days to meditate on the love that I felt for the child that had not yet come into our lives. I also started to visualize myself pregnant and get excited about the fact that one day, whether it be this month or next year, that I was going to have a child. David always had a firm belief that we would have children, but I have to say, now in hindsight that I was focused more on the fear that "maybe something was wrong" or "maybe we can't get pregnant" that in fact, I was pushing it away. I didn't realize this at the time, but we recently saw a wonderful movie called, The Secret. (You really must go to a video shop and rent it as it is about the power that we possess to manifest in our lives the things that we dream of if we can hold on the the positive emotion that we feel toward our goals and maintain that energy until our goal is reached...) Yes, the herbs supported me in getting pregnant and I love my osteopath, who also played her part, but I feel that I truly created this baby and it was not given to me through herbal supplements or osteopathic adjustments...David and I really brought this baby into being with our positive emotion. Rent the Secret and give it a try as it really makes you feel a whole lot better to send out the love that you feel for the children that are waiting to come to you. In our case, we had also just moved house, which was something I really needed before getting pregnant, as I did not want to raise a child in an apartment and I did not want to move when I was pregnant. So, whala, days after our move, our child was conceived....so I think there are a lot of factors to making a baby and not all of them are physical.

I was feeling fantastic and then things started changing as I entered my sixth week of pregnancy. Being pregnant is not at all what I expected as it is a gentle unfolding that begins and then changes start to happen on a physical level. My body is not behaving the way it normally does, so I need to dance to a different rhythm and the last few weeks have been about getting to know what that new rhythm is. I absolutely have to eat every two hours, a small snack or meal, otherwise I start to feel a queasiness in my stomach. Yesterday, I went to throw out the garbage and our compost and it just hit me the wrong way and I literally just made it to the kitchen sink and had to throw up three times. I laughed afterwards, as it is so bizarre that my body just simply can not take bad smells...only roses for me...smile. (David is now on garbage duty...laugh.) My tummy is already distended (and it is not from the baby) but probably being slightly bloated and my boobs, well, they were the first indication that something was going on...finally, for the first time in my life, I am starting to look voluptuous....laugh.

As I write all this to you, I can remember as well that last month, I actually had an inclining that I might be pregnant, but what was different was than other months when I thought I was pregnant more out of a wish that it be so. I was afraid to acknowledge it or say it outloud, I kept it to myself like a secret and then when we tested after my period was one day late and the test was negative, I cried out of disappointment because I also was spotting two days in a row. (Bascially, implantation bleeding that happened on Dec 24-25), so this baby was literally our Christmas present. We decided to test gain on January 1 and got the best New Year's suprise...finally a double line on the pregnancy test!

I don't want to fly long distances when I am pregnant as there is a therory out there, who know if it is 100% scientific, but that cosmic radiation can affect the baby...sounds a bit "space invaders" to me, but none the less, I am going to stay put on Austraian soil until the baby is born. Plus, we really don't have the time as I have three women who have asked me to support them in their births this year: one at the end of March, another in early May and the last, good friends of ours in July. Then, two months later, it will be our turn!

I have already hired an independent midwife, as doctors are only used here in Oz when there is a high risk pregnancy or a complicaton at birth, and with all my training, I would prefer a natural birth in a birth center with a midwife. She is a wonderful lady with 35 years expereince delivering babies from breeches to twins to just your normal presenation, all naturally. So I am going to be in very competent hands. She supported my friend Cass and will be the midwife at the birth in May. The nice thing is that she comes to our home for the prenatal visits and will see me every day at home for ten days after the baby is born. It is an amazing service and worth every penny.

We had one of the best Christmas' that I can remember. We rented a cottage out in the country with David's Mum, Dad, brother and uncle for three days. It was all about eatting, relaxing and playing board games. Lots of fun!

So little one, that is what has been happening with your mum as your ride around inside me. Your Dad made me laugh, as he does, when he said that you were finding it to be like an amusement part ride when I was throwing up yesterday. The way Dad was pretending to be you inside me, it was so funny, I am sure that you were laughing along with us.

Well, snuggle up as Momma goes to take her afternoon rest. I love you very much my dear little one. Keep growing big and strong. You have your little flippers now for your hands and feet. How exciting!

Surrending to the tide

It is interesting how I learn to surrender to my body and not fight against the tide that keeps helping you grow big and strong little one. It is remarkable how Mother Nature has designed this little miracle inside me. This week I am feeling increasingly tired, I take a nap at least once a day, and I also have gotten to feel a bit more "off" as my hormone levels continue to climb to support your little life and all its happenings. So I eat regularly to suppress the feelings of queasiness in my stomach. Miso soup seems to really help as does a homeopathic remedy for nausea.

I feel happy inside knowing that you are there and we are together in this beautiful journey. You already bring us so much happiness. I can't wait to one day feel you kicking around inside me or when we can see my tummy grow and know that you are getting bigger and bigger, getting ready to meet us.

One month old

Dear Little One,

It is hard to believe that you are already one month old. You are changing so fast and this week you are almost the size of a pencil eraser! You little hands and feet have started to sprout and by the end of this week there will be paddles for your hands and feet.

Last Friday, you Dad left work at lunchtime so that we could call your Grammy Jean and Pop Pop to tell them that you are here with us. It was funny as I had hoped to tell them when they opened a package with bibs, but when Grammy Jean opened the package, we realized that it was a calendar and a Christmas Angel that I had sent to them before the New Year. So I just decided to go ahead and tell them anyway by saying that there was another package in the mail that had two bibs in it. Grammy Jean, said "Oh, two bibs" and then I said, "We're having a baby!" Grammy Jean said, "Are you serious?" Pop Pop and Grammy Jean were so excited to hear our wonderful news about you little one.

Then, you Dad and I piled into the car to go up and surprise your Nana and Poppy Power. We gave Nana her birthday present with a bib inside and she couldn't stop jumping up and down when she opened it. She and Poppy were so excited for us and happy that you will be here this year.

This week, I have spent most of my time at home resting and working on an assignment that I have to do. Today, I am going to clean up the house as our friend's Ricardo and Kate are coming over tomorrow for their last Calm Birth Class and we are going to eat together and play games in the afternoon.

I feel good except that I am noticing I feel increasingly tired and I want to sleep more. Thankfully, I don't feel sick, but just a bit queasy in the morning if I wait too long to eat my breakfast.

Your Dad and I are planning on going on a permaculture study in February for two weeks and then Dad plans on taking at least four week off when you are born, but we are focusing on trying to make that six as I understand that I will need the support and I would like that time together as a family.

I have so much fun ready about you and finding out how you are developing inside. It is so amazing how quickly you are growing and putting into place all the parts of yourself you will need to feel healthy and strong. Dad and I are so excited that you are here with us. We talk to you every day. When I walk around, I think of you in my belly as though you were like a little Kangaroo.

Much love to you my little one,
Momma

Almost time to tell your grandparents

Tonight we go to Nana Carmen's and Pop Pop Bill's to tell them about you. I just got an email from Grammy Jean saying that they got our package and are waiting to open it. Your dad went to work early this morning and I am busting to tell my parents. It is hard for me to wait until Sunday morning to speak to my parents and reveal our exciting news about you little one. I really can't believe they got the package that quickly as I sent it off on Tuesday so it only took four days to arrive to them. It has two bibs in the package telling them that you love your Nanny and Poppy. How exciting!

Well, I have lots to do today. Your dad and I set up the Loving Birth room yesterday and it looks so nice. I am looking forward to teaching couples at the end of this month.

Your dad and I are also planning on taking you on a trip at the beginning of February when we are going to take a permaculture course for two weeks. We figure that it would be a good idea to take in now before we have you as we are going to be so busy and it will be hard to take a class with a little one running around in the future. We are planning on building an environmentally friendly home in the country one day so that we can look after the planet and teach you about nature and how to respect our Mother Earth.

So many exciting things to look forward to this month and you are growing so fast. This week you start to look like a beautiful seahorse and you establish your umbilical connection with me so you get to have some of all the nutritious food that I eat each day for you, so that you can grow healthy and strong. Your little back bone (your neural tube) also closes this week and with all the folic acid in my system, you will have no problem performing that task. Your little heart also starts to beat this week. You are working so hard and well in there my little one. Keep up the good work as we long to meet you at the end of your magical journey inside me.

Telling people about you.

Little One we have had so much fun this week telling people that you are with us and will be arriving in September this year. On Monday, we had our friends, Cassandra, Gerry, Tristin and Talin over for lunch and they were so happy to hear our news. We then decided to call your Uncle Mike to find out where he was in the city and without having to say much, he revealed that he was going to be at the swimming pool at Milson's Point. So we turned up with a present containing a baby bib the said, "I Love My Uncle, " he opened it and you will laugh one day when you see his reaction. He was so excited and we got it on our video with our small camera. We then went over to tell our friends Ricardo and Kate. They are going to have their baby three months before us, so you will have a friend to play with one day, the Little Riskalla.

On Tuesday, we sent off baby bibs to your Grammy Jean and Pop Pop Stud in the USA and to your Uncle Dan and Auntie Holly. We have asked them to call us before they open their package as we would like to see their reaction on the web cam or over the phone at least. So much fun telling people about you.

On Friday, we go and visit your Nanna Carmen and Pop Pop Bill to tell them and since it is your Nanna's birthday, we are going to give her and Pop a bib to surprise them. They will be thrilled, I'm sure!

Dad and I are trying to figure out how to go to a permaculture workshop for two week in February and for Dad to still have enough vacation time to spend the first month with us at home. We found out yesterday and his workplace only provides one week un-paid leave, but don't you worry about that, Dad and I are going to make sure that we have time together as a family to bond in the first month.

In terms of how I am feeling, I am very excited to be pregnant. Sometimes I feel a little anxious hoping that you landed in the right place and are in my uterus and not in one of my fallopian tubes! Apparently, it is common for newly pregnant women to worry a bit about whether everything is o.k. in there. I realized that I just need to trust you little one and know that you have the intelligence to make it through the next few weeks as so much happens for you in the coming eight weeks. It is a very exciting time a you form all of your important organs and really grow in size. We will keep sending you love so that you will know that you are loved and welcome. You are a very special gift to us and we love you very much.

Today you were discovered

Dad and I decided that we would wait for New Year's Day to take our home pregnancy test to confirm our suspicions that we were pregnant with you little one. We are so excited that you are here sweet baby. It feels like we have been waiting a long time for your arrival, but you were so smart and knew that we needed to get settled in our new home before your arrival to us. Your Dad, being very exact, looked at his watch and it was 6:40 a.m. when we found out that we were pregnant with you. We were so excited I walked from the bathroom with the test in my hand looking to make sure that it was working and within seconds the line appeared confirming that you were with us. I was so surprised as I had a feeling all month you were on your way and to see the test confirm that you were indeed here...well, I was speechless! Your Dad and I just laid in bed hugging each other and thanking you for coming to us. We are so proud to be your parents and we will be giving you much love so that you can grow healthy and strong. I am getting teary eyed right now as this month I just would sit and meditate on how much love I felt for you. Waiting for you to come taught me the importance of letting go of an outcome as you can not force Mother Nature and I wanted to give you the freedom to choose when you wanted to be born. All I could do was meditate on the love that I had for you and send you the message that we were now ready and now you are here with us! We looked on the internet and found out that if you are born in September your stone will be a sapphire which means "purity of the soul." We also found out that the majority of sapphires are found in Australia and in our state of NSW. Grammy Jean will be happy to hear that she will be able to add a new stone to her mother's ring as both of your cousins were born in January. Now over to Dad...

Well, what a fantastic new years gift! Thank you for joining our family little one. I am so proud of you already having made your long journey all on your own. Well now you are part of our family ;-). Both mum and I have waited for about 7 months for this special day. We knew for a while that you were with us in spirit, but now seeing that you have made yourself a home with us is so special and I thank you for choosing us as your parents. Now make sure that you take some rest and sleep as much as you can. Mum will feed you well, and we will both give you love when ever you need it. I am a very happy dad right now. Thank you little one.