Kiran 8 months

I just wanted to note a few milestones before they slip away and I can't remember what happened when. Just today, we noticed that one of Kiran's top front teeth has broken through the surface. Two days ago, he sat up from laying down and this has only happened once, but still remarkable. His signature move is to balance on his side while laying down and put one foot up in the air. It is like he is doing a Jane Fonda exercise class to work the inner thighs. Yesterday, he has started getting up on his knees and rocking back and forth. Crawling on all fours must be around the corner any week now. Currently, he very efficiently moves forward dragging himself across the floor by pulling himself forward with his arms, alternating sides as though he is rowing.

Kiran is into everything and moves from one thing to the next. His favourite object would have to be balloons as they hold his attention the longest of anything else in the house.

He is able to arch is back so well that he can reach many things much higher than ground level. His core strength is amazing and I can just see him getting more agile and stronger as each day passes.

He loves to eat and his favourite fruit combination is mango - banana.

When David arrived to the US at the end of July when Kiran was just 6 month old, he had just started moving in a circle quickly and moving back again. He could actually get around by doing this and rolling and this was his mode of locomotion until he started the drag in his seventh month. He broke is bottom two teeth by seven months, but I can't remember the exact timing of it.

Kiran is the BEST little baby to put to sleep. Since he was eight weeks, we trained him to be swaddled and put to sleep without too much fuss and he literally is swaddled at night and he falls asleep without so much a peep.

Maia is his best friend and he LOVES her. He laughs and his face lights up when he sees her as does her little face looking back at him. Maia loves to play with Kiran and is the best big sister. She is so helpful and so interested in him. This makes my life easier as I try to get things done around the house.

Maia and Kiran are such easy little kids and such nice little people. Wish sometimes I had more patience and focus to get done what I need to each day as I find myself frustrated by the constant motion of getting tasks done in the household while caring for my little ones. My best days are when the housework is done or there is a very minimal amount of cooking and laundry to do and I can just do something creative with Maia like painting. Today was not one of those days. There are many highs and lows in parenting and despite how much I love my two little kids, sometimes I just want a little bit of space for myself. I had to do yoga at 6 am this morning just to be sure that I was able to fit in my practice.

Maia: May 7, 2010

You know your child has an incredible imagination when....you find her unravelling the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom and when you ask her what she is doing she proceeds to tell you that she is pretending her poo is a duck and she starts ripping off pieces to feed him. I laughed and laughed and laughed...what next?

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Do Squirrels Swim?

Maia's question of the day, "Do squirrels swim?" David had to look it up and yes, they do, but not very well since they are tree dwellers...laugh. Great day with the kids. We did a personality test and it really helped me to see why I feel the way I do sometimes. Can't wait for Kiran and Maia to do theirs one day. Wanted to note that Kiran went from crawling to sitting up yesterday. He is so strong. Maia and I painted using golf balls. Talk about fun. You put them in paint and then move the box around with the different coloured balls. We had such a good time. Tomorrow, I hope to paint her nails and make something nice to eat like these raw cheeze sticks. I just realized what will make me happiest and that is having fun with the kids instead of always focusing on the "housework" and what needs to be done. Also, having some quiet time to myself. Off to watch a movie with David, Shriek III

How can I turn into a butterfly?

Dear Kiran and Maia,

I have been absolutely terrible these past eight months documenting our time together. So I am going to give it my best effort on a weekly basis to jot down the cute things that you do and say as there have been so many beautiful moments in the past year that have gone by and disappeared as we moved forward in time. As you know, I love to write and maybe some day, I will be inspired to write a book of some sort. These past few weeks since my last post, I feel like life has turned a corner and I have found a new peace with life with two kids. Kiran, you have been the easiest, most pleasant baby imaginable and we are blessed by your life joining ours. The sleep deprivation got the best of me and my perspective became distorted as I had times when I longed for a less hurried existence where I was not in constant motion the whole day. Today, was the first day since having Kiran that I went out to lunch with a friend, Cass. I asked her how I could possibly be so overwhelmed by two small kids when Kiran is sleeping twice a day and Maia is such a pleasant, compliant and easy to please little girl going on fifty. She pointed out that with each child, you need to hold them in your consciousness 24 hours a day in some form or fashion. It is true and neither of my babies have been the kind to "sleep through the night." Your Dad and I are actually sleeping in the front of the house while Kiran sleeps in the back in our room where he was born as it feel right to have him there. If I sleep in the room, he smells me and wakes up often to snack. I need sleep, so I only go in when I hear him call for milk twice a night sometime between 10:30 and 12 and at 4 am. Then, he is up around 6 am for the day and I often drag him into bed with me for some more milk in the hope that he will fall asleep. I have been feeling emotionally better and especially since that realization that your Dad and I missed our "baby moon" with Kiran due to Nanna's illness and then the media and then having to deal with a little person who was up through the night for three months with lactose intolerance. It was tough and I was crashing and your Dad was just trying to look after me and keep the glue of the house together as we went up and down with my highs and lows from day to day as I struggled with so little sleep and looking after a toddler who wanted my attention. When Maia turned three, I actually had a moment when I felt a bit sad that I had missed so much of her second year and yet, she is not worse for it and we are closer than ever. She was and still is my little helper and Kiran has been a gift to her as she adores him. It is so sweet to see her genuinely give him a kiss and help me wrap him before sleep as she sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star dancing on my bed and him watching on as I cradle him in my arms before laying him down to sleep. Then, we both pat him to the same rhythm as we sing "It's time for sleep...shhhh...shhhh....shhhhh....Mommy and Daddy love you....shhhh....shhhh....shhhh.....Nighty Night. " Then we say, "Good night Kiran" and leave the room and he goes to sleep most days without any fuss and if there is any, it is only a few moments as he falls off to sleep. I call it, "Wrap and Go," and he has been the easiest child to put to bed and he naps so well. Lovely little boy.

So anyway, after speaking to your Dad about that disconnect that happened in the beginning of our life together with Kiran, our gorgeous baby boy, we had a reconnect that happened within a few days of just verbalizing the loss of our "baby moon" and the sweet beginning, we would would have preferred to have with our new baby. It was as if we all felt it and our family became a whole little unit. And I somehow was able to accept that life is just busy and treasure my little people even more, as this time is truly precious, and time will pass quickly. One day, I will look back and wish that I could have my two little ones so small again that they could both fit in my lap for a snuggle.

Tonight, before going to sleep, Maia and I were reading, "The Very Hungry Catipillar" by Eric Carle and she said to me, "How Can I turn into a butterfly?" It is moments like that I treasure as they are so gorgeous and I wish I could stop time and hold them forever.

Eight Months Later

It is hard to believe that eight months have passed since Kiran was born. I have promised myself to write in this blog more often to capture the highs and lows of parenting as I have been on a bit of a roller coaster since Kiran's birth. The same happened with Maia as I adjusted to going from being a couple to being a family and the challenges the accompany making that transition and figuring out how to be a parent. What brought me to write this evening was a feeling that I have still not let go since Kiran's birth and I wonder how to move past it, but as I read my issue of Birthings magazine, a publication where homebirth mothers speak of their incredible birth experiences, I had this feeling of regret when I realized how much I wished that I could go back in time and just savour the high of Kiran's birth and keep it private without the outside interference that I allowed with the visit from Carmen and Bill the day he was born as well as the media interviews. Actually, my biggest regret is not so much the media, but not giving ourselves just one day to celebrate and relish in the magic of just having given birth to our beautiful baby boy. I wish so much I would have wrapped myself in the peace and exhilaration of that moment and not worried about inviting my in-laws. I know I was worried that they would want to come around the dreaded "third" day when my hormones were low and I was not feeling well enough for company. So excited to share our bundle of love after being isolated from family and friends as we waited to see him, we asked them to come and as you have read and I only wish they would have used better judgement themselves then to travel to see us on such a special day. How can I move past that regret as his birth was so perfect and magic and then to be met by such a contrast by the presence of such a sick person in the house? Would it help for me to speak to them about it? I think I will talk to Betty and see what insight she may have in assisting me to move past it and focus on the amazing moments of that birth experience.

Kiran has been the most placid and lovely little baby. He is so much easier than Maia in terms of how I have taught him to go to sleep unassisted and by just being swaddled before bed time. He basically falls asleep within five minutes and only cries out if he has a bit of air. It is unfortunate that unbeknownst to us Kiran was lactose intolerant and we only figured this out three months after he was born on Easter weekend. I was having a terrible time. We all were as Kiran would feed and then just fill up with air and burp incessantly through the night requiring someone to pick him up and help him get the air out at regular intervals. He would not cry, sweet baby, but would just lay next to me and grunt, grunt, grunt as though he were trying to clear his throat. The paediatrician thought he had reflux. I didn't want to put him on medication as I was not sure it was that and then, David took Maia to his parent's home for Easter. I stayed home with Kiran to have some rest and quiet time as I was really sleep deprived and depressed from the sleepless nights. Betty called me on the Saturday and I just started to cry on the phone as Kiran woke up crying with air again. His nap was disturbed and so was the time I needed to regroup myself. She immediately came over and we spoke about possible causes for his upset. She mentioned that iron and fish oil can upset babies and so I decided to discontinue all my supplements. I did not eat much that day and instead just drank glasses of Whey Protein Powder. Well, that next morning around 4 am till 5:30 am, I just walked and walked Kiran as his back felt like a soda bottle had been shaken and he was full of air. BINGO! He was intolerant to the Whey Protein Powder and possibly to the dairy. I stopped eating dairy that week and within a day, I had a "normal" baby, who would just burp twice after a feed and then go back to sleep. Kiran has not had the easiest time burping and often at night he will get one burp up after a feed and then the second burp comes up an hour later, so we are still getting up multiple times in the night. I pray for the night when he will just sleep through the night. David is now having me sleep in the front room for the past two nights and comes to get me when Kiran needs to be fed which is usually around 10:30-11 pm and then sometime between 2-3 am. He is then up again around 6 am. I am already starting to feel better as I have been up and down emotionally with the lack of sleep. Sleep deprivation tends to make me feel depressed and so although most days are good, I tend to hit a low as my body becomes more and more tired after nights of disrupted sleep. Funny, I had the idea that if I taught my little guy to go to bed without using me as a crutch that he would sleep through the night at an earlier age, but in his case, he must still just need the milk at night. He sleeps beautifully during the day and is the most pleasant and laid back baby. We would often say as would people around us that you would never know that Kiran was in the room as a young infant and even now, he is so placid. Well, I need to run off and do some yoga. We just celebrated Maia's third birthday yesterday and so I want to write a peace on her and how it has been spending this year with her as she lead up the the big three. To be brief, Maia is a gorgeous, gorgeous little girl who is such a caring, sensitive, loving and compliant little person who is so curious, bright and eager to please. She is the best and we love her. David and I say that we are so very fortunate to have two of the nicest little people to raise. As I was writing about how I could heal the pain of having lost the joy of the first days of Kiran's life, it occurred to me that David and I could ask Carmen and Bill to take Maia out for the day so that David and I could spend time with Kiran and somehow try and recreate that moment and speak to him about how sorry we are that his first week was so ridden with people and visits that it took away from the time and attention that we would have like to have showered upon him. Anyway, I think that would be a good start. Maia and Kiran, we are blessed and we love you. Sometimes I have found the transition to mothering difficult as I find that it is easy for me to feel overwhelmed and lost in how to juggle all that is required of me in a day, but you are wonderful little people and we feel lucky to have you.