Please come soon baby!

O.K. now I am feeling a wee bit anxious as I spoke to our midwife and she is slightly concerned about the fact that I will have you any day now and she also has another mother who is due with her second baby on January 5 and that mother basically was two weeks early with her first baby. I really want to have Betty with us when we birth you little one and I just can't understand for the life of me, why or why you are still in there and nearly two weeks overdue. I think if it wasn't for the fact that the other lady is going to have her baby soon and that there is the unlikely, but chance, that we could end up with Betty's back-up instead of dear Betty, I would be so disappointed, I can't tell you as I really love our midwife. So what can I do to convince you that we are ready for you to come. What day have your chosen for your birthday? It must be something very special. I just hope it is soon and not at the same time that the other baby wants to come to meet his or her parents. I am so ready to have you. Can you please come soon? Please....

Waiting for 2010?

Your Dad had me laughing this morning and said that maybe if I laid out in the grass under the full moon naked we would have a chance of getting this labour started and meeting our baby. Hey, I'm actually considering it at this point...laugh Not only is it a Blue Moon, but a partial lunar eclipse, so I reckon my chances are pretty good! I was actually hopeful that you might come last night as late in the afternoon, I saw the mucous plug and thought, right, we are on our way. I just really can't believe I am still pregnant and there is a part of me that just feels that I will never not be pregnant. If someone would have told me that you would have been born on the last day of 2009 or the first days of 2010, I would have laughed and said, sorry, I have regular 28 days cycles, there is no way I will go that far over this baby's due date. But, little one, you are in the driver's seat you have some very special day and time picked out, I just literally can't wait to find out what it is! Hope to see you soon.

Interesting theory

A friend just wrote to me and said that her kids were born days after their "conception date. And so you were conceived on March 27 and so that would mean that you may just come sometime within the next few days.

I keep going back and forth between thinking you are a girl or a boy. Your Dad is convinced that you are a girl; I have flipped back to thinking that you may be a boy. Either sex is welcome as I have worked through all my hang-ups about both. Laugh.

We have had a very quiet Christmas. Probably the most quiet Christmas that we are going to have in ages. The day after we went to the beach, we went to a beautiful gardens called, Camelia Gardens in Caringbah to have a picnic with your Dad and sister. It was a lovely, lovely day.

Christmas day was just spent quietly here at home and on boxing day yesterday we just went for a walk at Como Pleasure Grounds. The weather over Christmas has been rainy and overcast and I have really loved the peace of it and the cooler temperatures that I hope will last until we go into labour.

Well, off to make dinner. Betty is coming today in about a half an hour for our weekly check-up. You are just kicking away happily in there. Looking forward to meeting you soon on the outside.

Love,

Momma

41 weeks plus one day

Hi Little One in There,

I just wrote a message to a friend that sums up my feelings today, but to be honest, I have been really thankful that you have chosen to come after your due date as it has given your Dad, Maia and I some lovely quiet time together as a family. We have had a mini-vacation with your Dad being home and just spending time together, but last night I just hit a bit of a wall when I realized that I was not going into labour and that most likely I was going to wake up this morning still pregnant. I am just really anxious to meet you and have the four of us together. And like I know so well, I can't be pregnant forever and you will most likely be with us within the week. You have every right to choose your own birthday and time of birth and thank goodness we are having a home birth so I am not getting pressure from "the system" to have gone into labour by this week as the hospital system expects women to have had their babies by 42 weeks and it is usually this coming week that they would start talking induction, which I think is unfair if everything is fine in there. Somehow all those astrological charts and signs do have significance in how the person is influenced in their personality and life and so why not let you determine what is best for you in this life. I would not want to do anything to get this party started unless you are ready to claim it as your birthday, so I am trying my very best to be patient and wait for your special moment. I just hit a wall last night and this morning and I am trying to shift it and just writing this message to you to say that I respect and love you is making me feel better. The other control freak side of me needs to be put to rest as I let go and trust my body and you, my baby.

Letter to my friend Beth:

I really need a prayer for peace and patience as I just feel tears in my eyes as I write this as I have hit a bit of a wall as of last night and I am getting tired of waking up every morning still pregnant. I don't feel physically bad, but I feel myself getting frustrated with the baby of all people wondering why on earth I am still pregnant nearly eight days after his or her due date. I knew that most babies were late, but most, from my estimation, come within the week after their day, so to still be pregnant today, it just has me feeling a bit down. If I take a step back and look at the big picture, I probably only have about one more week and I enjoyed reading the 1/1/10 birth date as a cool day to be born from your perspective. I enjoyed being born in 1970 as it was always easy to figure out my age...laugh. So anyway, thank you for your thoughts. I am going to make my best effort to enjoy today as I know it is about to get really busy, but now I really don't care, I just want to meet our baby and be on the other side of my new life with two kids. Nine months is a long time, but these last weeks have felt even longer.

Back to my post:

So little one, I patiently wait to birth you and see who you are as this minutes feel like hours, these days like weeks...

I love you my little one,

Momma

What day is your birthday?

Little one inside me,

I am just wondering what day you have chosen to come to us. Your due date was December 19 and I had convinced myself that you would be born in mid-December..laugh. Once I passed December 15, I let go of my frustration and now I am just curious when you will arrive to us although I am feeling a little anxious as the only day our mid-wife can not come to support us in December 25 from about 1-10pm. I really want to birth with Betty as this is my last birth and I really don't want to have a baby born on Christmas day as no matter how hard we try it is hard to share a birthday and have Christmas dinner on the same day. Boxing day would also be a day that would take away your spotlight a bit although we would do our best to make your birthday special. I was so hoping you would be born before Christmas and there is still time, but I need to respect the day you have chosen as I can't figure out why you are still in there so low in my pelvis and seemingly so ready to come out to meet us, but I also know that little babies possess a wisdom and they know the best time for themselves and the family.

Your Dad finished up work yesterday and is now "working from home" so to speak. We are going to go to the beach this morning and I will get to have my ocean swim with you in the ocean pools as that is one thing I have really wanted to do in this pregnancy and just have not had a chance or it has been too cold to do so. Then, we will go have a nice breakfast and have a walk on the beach. We are going to enjoy our days together with Maia on her own as there is something simple about just focusing on one child and now I know I will need to share myself between the two of you. It feels so right to have two children and I am really wanting to just step into that new change, but we might as well enjoy these days while I can have some quiet time to myself before it gets busy with you, our new little baby.

In the background of the last three weeks, your Nanna, Dad's Mum, has had a difficult recovery following routine gallbladder surgery. There must have been an error made during the procedure and it left her in hospital for two weeks. She just came home on Saturday and still has a drainage tube and water on her lung. She is slowly recovering, but seems to be on the other side of the worst of it.

Well, off I go to get ready for the beach. I need to get the items we will need and cream up your sister and myself.

Every night I go to bed, I wonder if tonight will be the night and then I wake up in the morning to see the sun shining. It is strange to go over a "due date," as every day that goes by seems like an eternity and although you are only three days past your date, I just can't help but feel like it is weeks...laugh. I guess I have been ready for so many weeks, it just feels strange to still be pregnant.

Well, you can't stay in there forever and I expect you will be with us sometime this week. I just hope you don't come on Christmas.

Lots of love to you my little one. Momma, Daddy and Maia are anxiously awaiting your arrival.

Mumma

Waiting for you to come to us

Dear Little One,

Well, we are now 39 weeks plus one day pregnant. You are well engaged in my pelvis, so much so that Betty, our midwife, can only feel your shoulders and I can feel you pushing up against my cervix at times. Your sister Maia is very excited to meet you. For weeks now she has been role playing the birth with me and then she takes her stuffed toys or plastic animals and figurines and pretends that one of them is having a baby. She sets the scene with someone in a tub, which she says in the birth pool, there is usually a midwife and then a Daddy helping out as well she is there on the side watching on while the baby is coming and she often will make low birthing noises like I demonstrated for her. Her favourite requested videos are "Siblings at Birth" by Jo Hunter as well as other birth videos. This week she shifted her energy to showing everyone her new baby, so she must be picking up that you are on your way soon. We sure hope so as I have had an intuition this pregnancy that you would come to us this week.

I have been nesting like mad and today had a burst of energy. I finished addressing all my Christmas cards, made chocolate as well as fruit pops for us, made my first home made pie crust for a cheese and spinach quiche that I put together, made lunch, dinner and then coloured in a beautiful flower that a friend of mine had drawn for me to remind me to open during the birth. It is on my wall.

I am so excited about birthing you. So much so that it feels like one of those moments where you don't want it to start as it will be over after all these months of preparation. I have been practising my relaxation c.d.s, mediation, breathing and just trying to eat well and take a nap when I can so I will have the energy I need if you choose to come one of these nights. The birth pool is set up, the candles ready to be lit, the photos of flowers hanging on the wall and the video camera ready to catch your grand entrance. This time around I have been doing lots of perineal massage and using an epi-node to make sure that I am well stretched and able to birth you easily as that was one regret I have about Maia's birth that she was not able to come through very easily due to a very tight right side of my perineum. So this time, no resistance, just relax and let go...my mantra is wide and soft.

Yesterday morning, I had some lovely dreams. One in which I could see the inside of my vagina and it was so wide and round that your little head and body would easily slide through in another I was walking on crystal clear ocean water and looking down I could see a baby killer whale black and white swimming past me. It was beautiful.

This pregnancy has been so very easy compared to Maia's and I had a lovely pregnancy with Maia. It was just at the end, I ended up with the flu for two weeks and a terrible back ache. The only discomfort in this pregnancy has been sore hips, which is what I had with Maia, but not as bad and some discomfort in my sacrum that was resolved with chiropractic adjustments. I really feel great and the only change that has really happened in my figure is a big beach ball belly. I did a belly cast at 38 weeks, whereas Maia's belly cast was done at 39 weeks. The size of my belly with you is slightly larger and wider, but the shape is really lovely as my belly was very compact when I was pregnant with Maia.

If we were to guess your sex, I started the pregnancy believing you were a girl, then was convinced you were a boy, and now I believe you are a little girl. I was worried if I had another girl that somehow you or Maia might feel like a "favoured" child, but a friend of mine, Cass pointed out that we can love all of our best girlfriends, but for their different unique qualities and that made me realize that I will love both you and Maia for the uniqueness that you bring to our life.

In terms of names, if you are boy, we will call you Kiran, which is Hindu for Beam of Light. The Gaelic spelling means black and I did want you to sound like a sorcerer...Black Power...laugh. If you are a girl, we have had a heck of a time coming up with a name and it was only this week that we FINALLY found a name that rings true for what we feel will be reflect your personality or the feeling we have had during this pregnancy....Serena.

The other names that were possibilities and the one that was at the top of the list before we found Serena was Arianna. It is a lovely name, but somehow it just did not seem to fit. We also tossed around the name Kirianna, for a night, and then Elise for a time as well as Annalise. So those were the names that were discussed during this pregnancy. Serena...is just perfect and I am so happy with that name choice, it just feels so right for you.

I am so looking forward to meeting you. I do hope you will come this week. My dream birth would be to give birth to you in water and catch you as you come out. I really hope that I have the opportunity to do that...I can't wait to let go and welcome you to our family. We are so excited to meet you and everything is in place to make sure that you have a lovely entry to this world. Your Dad will stay with us for a month and then my mother will be here for another month. It will be so special being together as a family. I still can't believe that I have a little son or daughter inside me. Being a mother already, somehow makes the birth even more emotional as I know the love I feel for your sister and that love will only multiply when we have your with us...I know what it is to be a parent and that love is out of this world.

I send you a warm welcome and much love little one as I go to bed wondering, will this be the night that you decide to come to us. I love you my dear baby...Mumma.

The poo went hiding

Well, if I were to say that there was one challenging thing about being your parent, Maia, I would have to say that getting you to bed lately and you deciding to get up before dawn, would be it. Laugh. Your Dad and I thought we had it all figured out and for about the total of a week, we could put you in bed by 7 pm and you would be asleep by 7:10, sometimes 7:30, but it was a no fuss ritual of bath, sleep sac, story, a few songs and we were off and you were off to dreamland. Then, came daylight savings and it has been a real nightmare for us. You seem to be having the time of your life. We start the routine at 6:15 and you are now asleep around 8:30. We put you to bed and you insist on calling us back in with a list of reasons from water, teething powder, to toilet, which is hard to ignore as you are potty training and we are trying to support you in your efforts. So last night, after your Dad had made two trips into your room, I went in and you said you had to go potty. (Now you Dad had just taken you, but you usually don't play that card just to get out of bed, but you did...) And so while you sat on your potty and I asked you where the poppy way, you looked a bit bewildered...knowing that you had been found out without any evidence to show for your claim of having to poo...and promptly told me, "It is hiding in my petunia..." I'll tell you it was mighty hard not to laugh out laugh. You are so clever and sweet...speaking of...you are just getting up from your nap...so let me run and get you. Love you Maia.

The sweet things you say...

Today (Tuesday, December 6) we were out swinging on our back porch as a thunder storm approached and Maia said, "Mommy, the sky is talking to us." Later we were playing with some connecting plastic building bits from the toy lending library and she said, "Let's build a play ground for my people."

A day has passed and it is now Wednesday, December 7, Maia and I were driving David to the station today and she was asking David if he could jump in the trees. Maia you are such a lovely little girl and just now starting to test your limits with us and we are trying to figure out how to guide you without breaking your spirit. I tend to raise my voice and say, "Maia stop that right now, I have had enough," which usually by that point, I have had enough. I find myself at times just craving for a bit of time to myself where I can focus on the things that I need to get done. I am at my absolute worst when I am tired or hungry, so I try and keep my energy up and belly full, but then being nearly 30 weeks pregnant, I just feel tired or I just want you to listen to me when I ask you do something and not run away or scream, which is something that you have started to do when we try and redirect you to do what we need you to do. You just scream at the top of your lungs and it can be really, really annoying. So motherhood is not always golden, but I have to say that my state of mind is what can break or make a moment and I know that you might have your times of not wanting to do what I say, but at the end of the day, it is my perspective that often either makes me rise above those moments or sink down into feeling worn down and just plain impatient and annoyed at having to negotiate with a toddler. (Laugh.) It can be tough at times, but I am trying to find a way to stay positive as one day I will be looking back wanting all these moments back when you decide it is your time to leave the house and fly on your own, our sweet girl. WE love you.

Now you are two...

You are now our big two year old girl who insists on doing things for herself. You have a very firm way of saying, "I'll do it..." and get very annoyed if we try and do things for you like button your shirt, zipper your sleep sack, put on your shoes or snap your outfits. Sometimes we can, but most of the time, you want to participate, which is great...except when I am in a rush and you are insisting that you have to get in your car seat by yourself and buckle your safety belt. You actually already know how to button as long as the buttons are big enough for you to handle and once, I have started the zipper you quite easily put it up or down as well as unzip yourself and snaps are one of your favourite things to do as I can give you an outfit that has a series of snaps and you will just sit there and occupy yourself quite easily.

You love to put things in order. Like today, I was outside hanging the laundry and you were next to me hanging the socks on the metal drying rack. You really hang them up so well and neatly, it is like I did them myself and you LOVE to put on the clothes pegs. That is another thing that you can do for a period of time if in the mood is to stand there and just hang clothes and pegs on the clothes horse or just sometimes hang the pegs. You have excellent fine motor skills.

You love books and you love to be read to. You are able to accurately identify colours and have been doing so for a number of months as well you can count to ten without an error, but you don't yet understand the concept of ten and if you count objects, you may understand one and two, but above that, you just use rote counting.

You ability to verbally express yourself is outstanding and you are also able to identify and state your emotions. Like one day we were driving in the car to the home birth mothers' group and you said that you were sad. And I asked you why and you responded that Tara gets to drink Momma's milk. And so I validated that you were sad that you no longer were having milk as Momma did not have any milk. I decided when you were around 21 months old to see if I could persuade you to give up breast feeding and in its place, read a book to you. It was a gradual transition where I stopped feeding you in the morning, then after your sleep and eventually stopped feeding you before your sleep and the last feed to drop was the feed before bedtime. You seemed to accept the change quite easily and when you would ask me for milk, I would tell you the honest truth that there was not any more milk and that they were empty and if you would like a book instead. You started saying, "Book instead." I was finding it difficult to breastfeed as my nipples had become so sore after getting pregnant that it was a very sharp, cutting pain on my nipple as soon as you would latch on. So I was much happier knowing that you were not stressed with the change and we could make the transition to no milk as I knew I didn't want to be the only person to put you to sleep at night due to the milk factor and seeing that the new baby was coming along, I wondered how I could juggle both. To be honest, if the change had upset you and you really seemed distressed, there is no way I could have stopped feeding you your "milkie" as you called it. It seems though since I did drive the change and it was not initiated by you, you still have the desire to breastfeed and recently have been saying, "When the new baby comes, Momma will have milkie. I want milkie." And if you remember how to feed and latch on, which some people have said toddlers forget once they stop feeding, but if you do remember, I will happily feed you occasionally during the day. So let's see what happens as I really enjoyed feeding you milk up until my nipples started hurting me and even then, I still enjoyed that closeness once you were attached to my breast and the pain was gone after the initial latch on.

The other thing that you have initiated on your own practically is going to the toilet. Maia, honestly, you are so clever and with it for a two year old. One person in our music class thought you had turned three and I can see why as you have a wisdom and a knowing in your face, your behaviour and your verbal expression that goes beyond your two year old age. I basically started to ask you about using the potty and I pull out a portable one and let you run around nappy free and I started suggesting that you go wee on your potty and before I knew it, you took to it like a fish to water. In the last week, you have figured out the session in your bottom means that a poo is coming and you now regularly take a poo on the toilet. The first time you did so, I was in the computer room and I heard you sit down and before I knew it, you were running in the room announcing that you had done a poo on the potty. So now I just need to figure out how to leave the house without putting a nappy on you. I tried this week and just brought you potty to the play group and you would go to your potty and you actually took a poo on the potty. You really have make it easy. I still put a nappy on your at nap time and when you go to sleep at night as I don't know how to make that transition to getting you not to wet the bed and it just seems so much easier to use a nappy at night. I don't feel like having our sleep disrupted at the stage as being pregnant, I can use ever bit of sleep that I can get as I seem to be my worst when I am either tired or hungry meaning, my level of patience with a two year old is not as high and you are an excellent little girl. You just are starting to not listen and I can usually cope with it and get you on track, but when I am tired, I tend to be short tempered with you, which I know is not the best way to handle the situation. Overall, I feel like I am a good mother and love you beyond words as you are an absolute pleasure to be around.

You also have this incredible ability to entertain yourself and find thing to do that interest you while I am either trying to get something done on the computer or am preparing food or cleaning the house. I really appreciate that about you.

Today, we worked together and made burrito sandwiches and you enjoyed spreading the beans on the flat break, working together to cut the tomato and then putting it all together for yourself with beans, tomato, lettuce and cheese. Yes, you eat lettuce and actually in the last few months have been saying at the dinner table, "I want salad." At first we would just give you tomato and cucumber, but now you want it all including the greens, which I find to be incredible for a two year old child. Today, you ate two dry squares of sushi paper and asked for more before I gave you your quinoa and beans.

One of your favourite activities is drawing on your easel. You love to make circles and just scribble there with markers or crayons. Today, I brought out the water colour paints and you really enjoyed yourself using the paint brushes and then your fingers to make designs together.

The other lovely thing you were doing today is holding on to one of the towels that was haning on the hills hoist and walking around in a circle singing the train song that we sing at Kindergym..."Down by the station early in the morning...."

In terms of your social skills, you are definitely a shy and reserved child, but you have become much more comfortable with other children and do not seem scared of them like you used to when I last wrote in this blog. You do not initiate going off with a child, but, for instance, if I suggested that you go and play with Tara, a little girl of 2 and a half at the play group, you will venture over to her. You don't exactly play, but you tend to like to observe other kids and are a great observer in general. You really just stop and take it all in. Where most children are in their own world, you are looking at the world around you with great interest.

Most people would not know how well you communicate as you tend to be very quiet around other people and they are always surprised when you do get comfortable or are not thinking and start to sing or something. That is just part of your cautious nature with other people.

Today we woke up to a red sky. I had never seen anything like it. The winds were so wild and strong that they had actually brought red earth to the city from hundreds of miles inland and

visibility was close to zero in the distance. It finally cleared by the afternoon, but everything is now covered in red dust and it even made its way in the house even though we had our doors and windows closed.

In terms of how I am doing in this pregnancy, I am having such an easy time. Thankfully, I have very easy pregnancies and I don't really suffer from morning sickness, just a bit of an off feeling in the first three months that is remedied when I get something to eat. This pregnancy has been a bit different to how I felt when I was pregnant with you as I am just so busy running after a two year old child that I don't tend to stop as often to connect with the new little one, but this has changed somewhat in the last month as I can feel the next little person moving regularly inside me. This weekend, I will be 28 weeks pregnant and feel a sense of relief when I get to that date as your cousin Danny was born at 28 weeks and although it is not an optimal age to be born by any means, the survival rate is 95%. It is just a funny milestone that I felt in your pregnancy as well as this one.

The other interesting thing that came up during this second pregnancy was old emotions that I had carried from my own childhood watching my own mother in her pregnancy with my younger brother. My brother and I are 14 months apart and he was premature due, I believe to the stress that my mother was experiencing at the time. My father was having an affair while she was pregnant and that time was filled with much sadness and grief. So there was actually a part of me that was starting to feel anxious about giving birth to a second child as I somehow was transferring my experience of watching my mother go through a difficult time in pregnancy and after the birth to my own experience. I started to wonder how I would cope with two children and could feel the tension really building around those emotions, which weren't even mine to begin with and it was making it difficult for me to connect up with the little one growing inside me. So I have gone now for two sessions with Peter Jackson, the man who founded the calmbirth program and practices Private Subconscious Mind Healing. It has changed my life and my experience in pregnancy and how I am starting to view myself in a different light. In the first session, I had a powerful imagine of me writing my own life story and handing a book to my mother with her own. Since then, the excitement about having another baby is starting to build and I can see myself being able to love both my babies and include you in the way that I will mother the next baby. Thankfully, you are such an easy child and I know that really you just require some love and nurturing as any child does, but you are also very independent in many other ways. I have one more session with Peter, but what I have gained so far is a better concept of myself. I am beginning to see myself in a more positive light as I have always tended to view myself from "what I do wrong," instead of "the beautiful person that I am." I am starting to better understand my boundaries with my Dad and that I am not here to solve his life or be his counselour, nor my mothers, but I can just write about my life and share that with him without getting involved in his chaos. And most of all, I am starting to get excited about having another baby and feeling confident that I can manage with two children.

We have also decided not to move to our home in Berry until October 2010. There was too much pressure on David to find a job by October this year, then we realized that it would be too stressful with a pregnancy and then after the birth in December, we wanted time to enjoy our new little one and settle in as a family. I will be taking you and your baby brother or sister with me to the USA in June next year and we will stay for seven weeks. That may be too long as I don't want to be separated from your Dad for such a long period of time, but I wanted to go to see my grandmother's old house, which was bought and renovated by my uncle, and spend the fourth of July there as I used to spend a week there when I was a child. I also wanted to be with my family in Canaan Valley at the beginning of August and also give us time to get over the jet lag. I was hoping that your Pop Pop, my Dad's new Chinese wife, was not going to yet have her visa, but it looks like that his going forward and she will most likely be in the country by that time. I really don't know how to deal with all that and really don't want to. There is a part of me that really doesn't want to have much to do with my Dad and then there is a part of me that is not able to walk away, so I maintain a relationship with my Dad over the internet mostly and just try and keep it polite and caring, but also maintain a healthy boundary...which is in progress as I have the habit of getting myself sucked in and dishing out advice.

In the next two months, we will be preparing this house for the new baby's arrival. I just need to get so many things in order and get on top of paper work, sorting baby clothes, changing our rooms around as Dad and I are moving our room to the back of the house where we were when we gave birth to you. This house does not have much storage, so we are trying to figure out how to put it all in order and get rid of what we don't need any more, which really is not much. Anyway, lots of things on my mind, but it is all good. I just need to focus my energy on getting it done and we will be ready for the next little person.

I am hoping the new baby decides to come before Christmas as I would like him or her to have a separate birthday from "Baby Jesus" and "the New Year," as well as be able to have Dad use some of the public holidays to stay at home with us a bit longer. He will be here for a month and Grammy Jean will come for a month after that, so I am very lucky to have such lovely support.

I enjoy my work as a pre-natal educator teaching the calmbirth course. I taught my last course over this past weekend and really get so much out of empowering couples around birth and the highlighting the fact that women's bodies are amazingly designed for birth. It is just sad how the media and the public in general sees birth as a medical event instead of a natural function of the female anatomy. Right now the current trend is to see women's bodies as faulty unless proven otherwise, while it should be the reverse, Women's bodies are beautifully designed for birth and there is a small percentage of women who may need the medical safety net. But women who go into hospital now a days have so much fear that inhibits the natural progression of their labours due the above as well as the system itself puts women within unnatural time frames for birthing, that all the medical interference actually creates more problems that would otherwise be the case if women were just left to birth under their own devices. That is why I choose a skilled and independent midwife to birth you and your brother or sister at home as why not start from a place of trust in an environment where I am comfortable and if the need were to arise, then I would turn to the medical safety net for support, but why start there? I like Dr. Sarah Buckley's reminder that women like any mammal need privacy and a feeling of safety in order to birth. Just like cats, they don't birth on the front lawn, they go to a comfortable and quiet place where they feel undisturbed and safe in order to give birth to their off spring. Home is that place for me. I hope if and when you or your coming sibling decide to have children that you will come to also remember the beauty of birth from your own birth experiences at home as well as what I have instilled into you about the wonder if women's bodies and how marvellously they are designed for birth. I feel in this way I have given you the best start in life. And I can see that it has paid off as Maia you are a very happy, content and loving little person and you have been that way from the moment you were born...you did not cry at birth and you never cried for the first six weeks until I took you out of the house and you were overwhelmed by the newness and pace of the world outside our home. (And believe it or not, you slept through it in the sling right next to me, but babies are so sensitive....you could feel the change of energy when we went to down town Sydney for my appointment with the chiropractor.) The other thing I want to mention about both my pregnancies is that I have chosen NOT to have ultrasounds for reasons that are explained in the writings of Dr. Sarah Buckely. If I need to have one for medical reasons, I will most certainly do so, but I like keeping the mystery as well as not having to worry if something did come up on a scan. I would be able to handle reality much better when holding my baby instead of worrying the entire pregnancy about something that I could not change anyway.

Your Dad and I have also decided not to inoculate either of you at this time as we are very sceptical of the pharmaceutical industry's motivations and there is so much information right now about the potential debilitating side effects of vaccinations that we worry about how it may harm your health and welfare as young children. Maybe once your immunity systems have matured and you are a bit older will be consider a few of the vaccinations, but it is such a confusing issue and we just don't want to move forward without really looking at how it may affect you long term.

Well, this has been a really long post and I really do hope to write more often, but at least I am getting down some bits and pieces about your development every few months. We adore you and feel so blessed to have you and your little brother or sister inside me. I kiss you a hundred times a day..smile and you have also helped me connect with our next baby as you speak to him or her and cuddle and kiss the belly at least once a day if not more...

I love you Maia...Momma.

Where is the time going?

It is hard to believe that you, Maia are almost a year and 7 months. At the start of this month, we took you to the paediatrican who expected that you would be saying at least 18 words and to his surprise you knew a couple of hundred and repeated individual words that we would say...now a month later, you are repeating longer phrases and sentences and speaking some phrases on your own. It is really amazing to hear the thoughts of such a tiny little person. 

We were reading a book to you called, Brown Bear, Brown Bear, what do you see?" and before we knew it, you were saying, "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, what do you see? I see a red bird looking at me." You are really an amazing little girl. The other thing that you started to do a month ago and continue to develop is the ability to say different colors and identify color. You are correct a lot of the time as well as trying to count, which you first started counting to six when you were only 15 and a half months old. I said "One" and you would say "Two" ect...up to six. Now you count, but the numbers are often out of order and it is fun to hear you say, "One, two, three, six, eight..."

You love playing with playdo and cutting out shapes as well as putting the playdo through the little press that makes different snakes of various shapes. 

You often will say to me, "See....doing..." when I am at the counter cooking and I often pick you up to show you or have you stand on a chair so you can watch me. 

The really incredible thing that you do at this age is sing on pitch, like, "Row, Row, Row your boat." And you know "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, how I wonder what you are...Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky..." Sometimes when we lay you down for bed, you will start to sing it or you will request, "Twinkle, Twinkle." 

When you hear a song playing and in the song it says to stomp your feet or turn around...today I watched you do the actions that the song was telling you to do like Stomp your feet and spin around...you are so sweet to watch. There is a beautiful innocence to be in the presence of a child your age who is also talking and giving us a glimpse of the mind of a year and a half old child. 

In terms of your personality, you tend to be a very shy little person who takes time to warm up to new environments and people, but once you are comfortable with someone, you are warm and friendly. You are not a pushy little kid and don't take any other children's toys. If anything, I worry that the kids are too pushy with you and you allow them to take what you are doing as I have observed this at the Montesorri 0-3 years program we go to once a week. You always notice when another child is upset and look at me with a frown of concern and say, "Crying, Sad." I always make sure you know that you know they are o.k.

Next month, instead of going to Montessoi once a week, I may just take you once a month, so we can pay for a nanny who speaks Spanish to look after you a few hours in the morning so you can learn another language. 

One of your favorite games is "Peek-A-Boo" and the cutest thing is that you will cover your eyes and we pretend we can't see you and we say, "Where's Maia" and you start to peek through your fingers as thought to see what we are doing and cover your face so we "can't see you." Often, you will hide yourself and if I haven't notice that you want to play that game, I will hear you say, "Where's Maia?" It is really cute and fun. 

You love your Nanna and Poppy. And this past Friday was the first day since I was pregnant with you that I went out for the day to a seminar. Your Nanna watched you and you had a great time as did I.

I still am breastfeeding you as we both love it. It is such a nice thing for both of us. I tend to feed you three times a day...when you first wake up, before your afternoon nap and in the evening before bed...but sometimes you want your milk in between those times...especially if I am not paying attention to you and speaking on the phone. And you will bring your dolls and animals to me to breastfeed and when I have put them on one breast, you will say, "Other side" and I will switch to the other one. 

You love feeding your doll Stella and the Birthday Bear. You will put them in the highchair and pretend to feed them or try and put nappies on them. The thing that you did for months and seem to have slowed down on was throwing your animals down and saying "Hurt...crying..." And I would ask, "Where does it hurt" and your response 9 times out of 10 would be "back." Now you just like to make a crying noise and pretend Stella is crying. 

You often request for me to pretend that the animals are signing sorry on their chest in American Sign Language the you know so well from the "Baby Signing Time" videos we have...you know the signs for all your animals as well as other signs for colors, family members and manners. 

You have a lovely father who adores you. He is so involved with you and takes time to play with you when he gets home from work every day. At night he given you a bath, then I breastfeed you, and then your dad comes in to read you a story and then put you in bed and sings "Twinkle Twinkle" and the "Good Night Maia" song. Lately, we have been staying with you until you relax a bit more and slow down as if we leave the room before that time, you tend to cry out for us for some help as you have a hard time just slowing down and relaxing at the end of the day...unless we did something very physical and you are tired....

When we were at Nanna and Poppy's last month, it was so cute to see you walking around the yard calling for Nanna and Poppy's cat Tommy. You would say, "Tommy, Tommy where are you Tommy?" Really, really sweet...

We feel so lucky to have you Maia. You are a real blessing. Such a beautiful, bright and wonderful little girl. 

At this time, we are trying to get pregnant with another baby hoping that we can bring you a sibling sometime late this year or next. We are planning to move to our home in Berry at the end of this year. Your Dad is looking for work and I am looking to set up my pre-natal business in Wollongong. 

What's going on in my life: Well, my Dad, your Pop Pop flew to China on March 16 and on March 20 married Hua Mei a woman he had been emailing on-line for eight months and who he decided to marry. It is a bit strange for me as my parents just divorced at the end of February, but what I have come to realize in life is that parents are just people like anyone else who are on this Earth to learn and grown and there is someting that my Dad, your Pop Pop needs to discover in this lifetime. 

Well, I hope to write to you more often as I have not been regular at recording your journey. You are wonderful beyond words and we love you so very much.