Well, we are now 39 weeks plus one day pregnant. You are well engaged in my pelvis, so much so that Betty, our midwife, can only feel your shoulders and I can feel you pushing up against my cervix at times. Your sister Maia is very excited to meet you. For weeks now she has been role playing the birth with me and then she takes her stuffed toys or plastic animals and figurines and pretends that one of them is having a baby. She sets the scene with someone in a tub, which she says in the birth pool, there is usually a midwife and then a Daddy helping out as well she is there on the side watching on while the baby is coming and she often will make low birthing noises like I demonstrated for her. Her favourite requested videos are "Siblings at Birth" by Jo Hunter as well as other birth videos. This week she shifted her energy to showing everyone her new baby, so she must be picking up that you are on your way soon. We sure hope so as I have had an intuition this pregnancy that you would come to us this week.
I have been nesting like mad and today had a burst of energy. I finished addressing all my Christmas cards, made chocolate as well as fruit pops for us, made my first home made pie crust for a cheese and spinach quiche that I put together, made lunch, dinner and then coloured in a beautiful flower that a friend of mine had drawn for me to remind me to open during the birth. It is on my wall.
I am so excited about birthing you. So much so that it feels like one of those moments where you don't want it to start as it will be over after all these months of preparation. I have been practising my relaxation c.d.s, mediation, breathing and just trying to eat well and take a nap when I can so I will have the energy I need if you choose to come one of these nights. The birth pool is set up, the candles ready to be lit, the photos of flowers hanging on the wall and the video camera ready to catch your grand entrance. This time around I have been doing lots of perineal massage and using an epi-node to make sure that I am well stretched and able to birth you easily as that was one regret I have about Maia's birth that she was not able to come through very easily due to a very tight right side of my perineum. So this time, no resistance, just relax and let go...my mantra is wide and soft.
Yesterday morning, I had some lovely dreams. One in which I could see the inside of my vagina and it was so wide and round that your little head and body would easily slide through in another I was walking on crystal clear ocean water and looking down I could see a baby killer whale black and white swimming past me. It was beautiful.
This pregnancy has been so very easy compared to Maia's and I had a lovely pregnancy with Maia. It was just at the end, I ended up with the flu for two weeks and a terrible back ache. The only discomfort in this pregnancy has been sore hips, which is what I had with Maia, but not as bad and some discomfort in my sacrum that was resolved with chiropractic adjustments. I really feel great and the only change that has really happened in my figure is a big beach ball belly. I did a belly cast at 38 weeks, whereas Maia's belly cast was done at 39 weeks. The size of my belly with you is slightly larger and wider, but the shape is really lovely as my belly was very compact when I was pregnant with Maia.
If we were to guess your sex, I started the pregnancy believing you were a girl, then was convinced you were a boy, and now I believe you are a little girl. I was worried if I had another girl that somehow you or Maia might feel like a "favoured" child, but a friend of mine, Cass pointed out that we can love all of our best girlfriends, but for their different unique qualities and that made me realize that I will love both you and Maia for the uniqueness that you bring to our life.
In terms of names, if you are boy, we will call you Kiran, which is Hindu for Beam of Light. The Gaelic spelling means black and I did want you to sound like a sorcerer...Black Power...laugh. If you are a girl, we have had a heck of a time coming up with a name and it was only this week that we FINALLY found a name that rings true for what we feel will be reflect your personality or the feeling we have had during this pregnancy....Serena.
The other names that were possibilities and the one that was at the top of the list before we found Serena was Arianna. It is a lovely name, but somehow it just did not seem to fit. We also tossed around the name Kirianna, for a night, and then Elise for a time as well as Annalise. So those were the names that were discussed during this pregnancy. Serena...is just perfect and I am so happy with that name choice, it just feels so right for you.
I am so looking forward to meeting you. I do hope you will come this week. My dream birth would be to give birth to you in water and catch you as you come out. I really hope that I have the opportunity to do that...I can't wait to let go and welcome you to our family. We are so excited to meet you and everything is in place to make sure that you have a lovely entry to this world. Your Dad will stay with us for a month and then my mother will be here for another month. It will be so special being together as a family. I still can't believe that I have a little son or daughter inside me. Being a mother already, somehow makes the birth even more emotional as I know the love I feel for your sister and that love will only multiply when we have your with us...I know what it is to be a parent and that love is out of this world.
I send you a warm welcome and much love little one as I go to bed wondering, will this be the night that you decide to come to us. I love you my dear baby...Mumma.
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